Ashraf  weds  Sabrina

The Muslim Wedding Process  (what to expect)

 

 

A quick guide on the different events and process of a Bengali Muslim wedding...and what you can expect at our wedding.

 

 

Engagement

 

 

The groom presents the ring to the bride during this formal engagement. Generally a small gathering with family and close friends. The Nikkah may also occur during this time. 

 

 

Gaye Holud ("Body of Yellow")

 

 

This pre-wedding event is also known as the Turmeric Ceremony. The bride and groom can share this day or do it separately. Typically, there is lots of music, dancing and singing. It is more of an informal, traditional gathering for both the bride and groom's families to have fun before the big day.

The procession traditionally centers on the friends, siblings and cousins of the bride. They are traditionally all in matching clothes, mostly orange, yellow, red or green in color. The bride is seated and turmeric paste is applied onto her face or hands by the guests. The turmeric application is said to soften the skin and also gives the bride her "glow," or distinctive yellow hue, which gives its name to this ceremony. After applying the turmeric, guests also feed the bride with a wide assortment of sweets. The holud is also a time when the bride can get her henna applied to decorate her hands and/or feet with elaborate abstract designs.

The groom's gaye holud, which occurs within a few days of the bride's holud, has the same general concept, minus the henna/mehendi.

In recent tradition, the bride and groom combine their holud events and do it together. This is usually convenient if both parties' guests are from the same area.

 

 

The Nikkah

 

 

This is the ceremony part of the marriage process when the bride and groom say "I do." For Muslim weddings, there is a contract that the Imam (religious leader similar to a priest or rabbi)presents. The Nikkah contains several terms and conditions that are to be respected by the bride and groom. After that is agreed upon and the contract is signed by couple and witnesses, the "I do’s" are exchanged.

**The Nikkah can occur either the day of the wedding OR before the wedding.**

 

 

The Wedding

 

 

Aside from the American customs (speeches, slide shows, and first dances), there are many fun Bengali traditions that come into play on this day.

The first is when the groom initially enters the venue with his family and finds the bride’s family and friends waiting at (or in most cases, blocking) the entrance. This is called the "gate holding". The bride's siblings/cousins/friends do not let the groom enter until he pays the price to see his soon-to-be-wife. (The price is always negotiated prior to the event, but the bride's side just nags and picks silly fights with the groom and his friends in a joking manner for fun.) There is typically much good-natured pushing and shoving involved at the 'gate holding' and can get quite intense.

Once the groom has paid to enter the venue, he and the bride can make their grand entrance into the hall as a couple only if the Nikkah was previously performed. However, if the Nikkah has not yet happened, then the bride and groom will make separate entrances since they are not an official married couple yet.

The stage is where they exchange flower necklaces, and feed each other a homemade drink. They also look into a mirror together (to symbolize their first glances at each other as a married couple) and they are asked to state what they see in the mirror. This moment is meant to be silly, creative, and/or well thought out. Another custom is for the bride's younger siblings, friends, and cousins to hide the groom's shoes. The groom must usually pay off the children in order to get his shoes back. Siblings, friends and cousins also play many practical jokes on the groom, which can be related to as an "initiation into the family". Traditionally, Bengali weddings tend to get very emotional – especially towards the end of festivities when the couple departs. The departure is known as the “bidiyy” and according to custom, this is when the bride leaves her family and joins the groom and his family.

 

 

Walima

 

 

This post-wedding event occurs a few days after the wedding and is also known as the Bou Bhaat ("Bride Feast"). This is simply a party hosted by the groom's family in return for the wedding ceremony. It is generally a much more relaxed affair, with only the second-best wedding outfit being worn. This event gives the groom's family a chance to "show off" the new bride to their family and friends.